body image

I am strong. I am awesome. I will embrace the struggle.

I am strong. I am awesome. I will embrace the struggle.

The competition this weekend was an awesome experience-- I was lucky enough to be part of a really supportive and killer team who gave it their all. And I think we did great.

The experience was also really humbling. As unrealistic as it sounds, part of me was expecting to walk onto the competition floor and pick up where I left off two years ago. Two years ago when I was training consistently, competing regularly, oh and hadn't recently carried and birthed a small human.

So when I couldn't clean close to what I wanted or had to drop the bar, a little part of me felt like a failure. 

I've been there.

I'll be real honest. This #postpartumlife has been a struggle.  My diet oscillates between vegtastic awesomeness and ice cream for dinner. Sometimes I work out, sometimes I lay on the couch all day. I'm tired. Like bone-deep tired. I'm not as strong as I was pre-baby (what abs?). I'm squishy. Like so squishy. I don't feel like myself, emotionally or physically. My body has morphed beyond recognition to me. The parts I do recognize are the ones I struggle with the most.